Please, take care of yourself this Christmas. A recent joint study conducted by
>the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23%
>of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are
>caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk,
>water, and shit like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink
>alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.
>
>This message is sent by someone who cares about your well being.