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Monday, April 3, 2017

Joke Of The Week


Men vs Women…
Eating Out. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but is on sale.
Bathrooms. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
Argument. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Future. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Marriage. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
Dressing Up. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Appearance. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Mistakes. A married man should forget his mistakes. There is no use in two people remembering the same thing.