Reconnaissance Marine in Afghanistan:
It's freezing here. I'm sitting on hard, cold dirt between rocks and
shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains along the Dar 'yoi Pomir
River watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave.
Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery for thousands of miles.
I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds
to avoid another scorpion sting. I've actually given up battling the
chiggers and sand fleas, but these scorpions give a jolt like a cattle
prod. Hurts like a bastard. The antidote tastes like transmission
fluid but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my
pack.
The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not,
they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink
water. That requires couriers and that's where an old bounty hunter like
me comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances
and storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the
coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders
where to drop the hardware, we bash some heads for a while, then I
track and record the new movement.
shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains along the Dar 'yoi Pomir
River watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave.
Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery for thousands of miles.
I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds
to avoid another scorpion sting. I've actually given up battling the
chiggers and sand fleas, but these scorpions give a jolt like a cattle
prod. Hurts like a bastard. The antidote tastes like transmission
fluid but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my
pack.
The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not,
they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink
water. That requires couriers and that's where an old bounty hunter like
me comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances
and storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the
coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders
where to drop the hardware, we bash some heads for a while, then I
track and record the new movement.
It's all about intelligence. We haven't even brought in the snipers
yet. These scurrying rats have no idea what they're in for. We are
but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the
eradication to begin.
I dream of bin Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my
boot on his throat as I spit a bloody ear into his face and plunge my
nickel plated Bowie knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me.
I'm a romantic. I've said it before and I'll say it again:
This country blows, man. It's not even a country. There are no roads,
there's no infrastructure, there's no government. This is an
inhospitable, rock pit shit hole ruled by eleventh century warring
tribes. There are no jobs here like we know jobs. Afghanistan offers
two ways for a man to support his family: join the opium trade or join
the army.
yet. These scurrying rats have no idea what they're in for. We are
but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the
eradication to begin.
I dream of bin Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my
boot on his throat as I spit a bloody ear into his face and plunge my
nickel plated Bowie knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me.
I'm a romantic. I've said it before and I'll say it again:
This country blows, man. It's not even a country. There are no roads,
there's no infrastructure, there's no government. This is an
inhospitable, rock pit shit hole ruled by eleventh century warring
tribes. There are no jobs here like we know jobs. Afghanistan offers
two ways for a man to support his family: join the opium trade or join
the army.
That's it. Those are your options. Oh, I forgot, you can also live in
a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt
mud like a goose with stomach flu if that's your idea of a party. But
the smell alone of those 'tent cities of the walking dead' is enough to
hurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen
hours a day.
I've been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks and Turkmen and even a
couple of Pushtins for over a month and a half now and this much I can
say for sure: These guys, all of 'em, are Huns. Actual, living Huns. They
a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt
mud like a goose with stomach flu if that's your idea of a party. But
the smell alone of those 'tent cities of the walking dead' is enough to
hurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen
hours a day.
I've been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks and Turkmen and even a
couple of Pushtins for over a month and a half now and this much I can
say for sure: These guys, all of 'em, are Huns. Actual, living Huns. They
LIVE to fight. It's what they do.
It's ALL they do.
They have no respect for anything, not for their families or for each
other or for themselves. They claw at one another as a way of life.
They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons into
human cockfights to defend the family honor. Huns, roaming packs of
savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other's barbarism. Cavemen
with AK47's.
They have no respect for anything, not for their families or for each
other or for themselves. They claw at one another as a way of life.
They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons into
human cockfights to defend the family honor. Huns, roaming packs of
savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other's barbarism. Cavemen
with AK47's.
Then again, maybe I'm just cranky.
I'm freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is
running out of juice and I can't recharg e it until the sun comes up in
a few hours.
Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a favor; although it
might be bizarre.
Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and that awful,
sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban 'smart.'
They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary because the
word they are looking for is 'cunning.' The Taliban are cunning, like
jackals and hyenas and wolverines. They are sneaky and ruthless and,
when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent parasites who
create nothing and destroy everything else. Smart.
I'm freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is
running out of juice and I can't recharg e it until the sun comes up in
a few hours.
Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a favor; although it
might be bizarre.
Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and that awful,
sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban 'smart.'
They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary because the
word they are looking for is 'cunning.' The Taliban are cunning, like
jackals and hyenas and wolverines. They are sneaky and ruthless and,
when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent parasites who
create nothing and destroy everything else. Smart.
They've spent their entire lives reading only one book (and not a very
good one, as books go) and consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be
products of the devil. They're still figuring out how to work a Bic
lighter. Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of
life is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen; eventually he
just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it.
OK, enough. Snuffle will be up soon so I have to get back to my hole.
Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice but I'm good at
it. Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets
and move on with your lives.
The story line you are getting from CNN and other news agencies is
utter bullshit and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keep you
glued to the screen through the commercials. We've got this one under
control. The worst thing you guys can do right now is sit around
analyzing what we're doing over here because you have no idea what
we're doing and, really, you don't want to know. We are your military
and we are doing what you sent us here to do.
