I'd
just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips,
mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there
and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your
will power.'
I
took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were
NOT the correct answers.
A
fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about
the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose
it eventually'.
I
walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I
said, 'Nope, you’re still black'.
Snow
in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches
tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face
like that!
A
10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died
this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call
Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the
last ting on my mind at the moment.'
Years
ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But
since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon
sandwich works best!
Japanese
scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter
speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a
woman with her mouth closed.
I
hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself. 'I’m going to take that.'
Man
in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland .. He looks down and sees a
farmer in the fields and shouts to him, ‘where am I?’ The
Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. ‘You’re in that basket.’
I
had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was where do women
have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I
know they wanted the name of a country?