Joe Holleman
Source: stltoday.com
Not all of the details have been worked out — and I recognize the plan has some potential problems — but I may have discovered a cure for the rampant rudeness so many people, myself included, believe has afflicted this nation:
Boxing matches.
Now hold on a second and follow along with me a bit before you jerk a knee and label this a bad idea.
I know it sounds like I'm advocating violence as a solution, so I want to make one thing perfectly clear:
I am.
No way would it be vicious biker-gang beat downs with chains, bats and steel-toed boots. I'm thinking along the lines of short bouts with hugely padded gloves.
This idea — a strong contender for a Nobel Peace Prize if it didn't contain an element of violence — dawned on me while talking to friends who run restaurants.
A few weeks ago, they were handing out free chicken wings because they're toying with the idea of adding them to their menu. Most customers thanked them for the lagniappe.
But one "foodie" type felt compelled (as foodies often are) to weigh in with a snarky response.
"You're not there," said the ingrate after eating a couple of wings, then continued with, "You know what you should do ...?"
Wow. You know what YOU should do? Learn how to just say thanks and move on out the door.
But Mr. "No Self-Esteem Problems Here" managed to pull off a double-jerk move on this one.
Instead of simply thanking them for free food, he weighs in with a rude and pretentious minireview. But he doesn't stop there. Then he assumes he knows more about cooking and the restaurant business than those who actually cook and run restaurants for a living. That's right, sir, these people were clueless until you showed up. Bless you, sir.
I can think of only one way that a grown man could reach such a level of rudeness: No one's ever punched him in the nose.
And he is not alone.
When I was young, it was normal for two kids to argue and get in one another's face. Often, one kid would cross the line with name-calling or some other rudeness, pushing would occur, then a fight would break out on the playground or the ball field.
Everyone watched and when it was clear who was winning, one would say "uncle" or the other kids would break it up. If a nun showed up, she smacked both of you and then dragged you to the principal.
This taught guys a valuable lesson: If you run your mouth and get rude, someone may punch you. It was known as "letting your mouth overload your butt."
These days, the two kids will not only be sent to the principal, they and their parents will have to attend a series of mediation conferences, psychological counseling sessions and maybe a couple of conflict-resolution workshops.
Granted, I'm sure this approach has decreased the number of fistfights in schools.
But I'm equally convinced it also has increased the number of people who think they can say any rude thing that pops into their head.
Newton's classic "action-reaction" law strikes again.
That's why I think a few rounds with padded gloves would be a remedy. Again, I'm not talking about full-tilt mayhem here, just some Marquis of Queensberry action that would require someone to back up rude things they say.
Surely, the offender would always be allowed to avoid the ring and say, "I'm sorry, I was being an ass."
And guess what? I just may have some support from a famous, card-carrying liberal.
In a recent interview with GQ, Martin Sheen said that when he was filming "Badlands" early in his career, director Terrence Malick was insulted by a producer and proceeded to "beat the hell out of him."
"Can you imagine?" Sheen said. "If more directors would beat up their producers, we'd have a lot more artistic freedom."
Artistic freedom. Nicer people.
Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/lifestyles/columns/joe-holleman/article_1909ebe0-4807-5591-989e-aa57bedcd6c0.html#ixzz1QXKRAOek
Boxing matches.
Now hold on a second and follow along with me a bit before you jerk a knee and label this a bad idea.
I know it sounds like I'm advocating violence as a solution, so I want to make one thing perfectly clear:
I am.
No way would it be vicious biker-gang beat downs with chains, bats and steel-toed boots. I'm thinking along the lines of short bouts with hugely padded gloves.
This idea — a strong contender for a Nobel Peace Prize if it didn't contain an element of violence — dawned on me while talking to friends who run restaurants.
A few weeks ago, they were handing out free chicken wings because they're toying with the idea of adding them to their menu. Most customers thanked them for the lagniappe.
But one "foodie" type felt compelled (as foodies often are) to weigh in with a snarky response.
"You're not there," said the ingrate after eating a couple of wings, then continued with, "You know what you should do ...?"
Wow. You know what YOU should do? Learn how to just say thanks and move on out the door.
But Mr. "No Self-Esteem Problems Here" managed to pull off a double-jerk move on this one.
Instead of simply thanking them for free food, he weighs in with a rude and pretentious minireview. But he doesn't stop there. Then he assumes he knows more about cooking and the restaurant business than those who actually cook and run restaurants for a living. That's right, sir, these people were clueless until you showed up. Bless you, sir.
I can think of only one way that a grown man could reach such a level of rudeness: No one's ever punched him in the nose.
And he is not alone.
When I was young, it was normal for two kids to argue and get in one another's face. Often, one kid would cross the line with name-calling or some other rudeness, pushing would occur, then a fight would break out on the playground or the ball field.
Everyone watched and when it was clear who was winning, one would say "uncle" or the other kids would break it up. If a nun showed up, she smacked both of you and then dragged you to the principal.
This taught guys a valuable lesson: If you run your mouth and get rude, someone may punch you. It was known as "letting your mouth overload your butt."
These days, the two kids will not only be sent to the principal, they and their parents will have to attend a series of mediation conferences, psychological counseling sessions and maybe a couple of conflict-resolution workshops.
Granted, I'm sure this approach has decreased the number of fistfights in schools.
But I'm equally convinced it also has increased the number of people who think they can say any rude thing that pops into their head.
Newton's classic "action-reaction" law strikes again.
That's why I think a few rounds with padded gloves would be a remedy. Again, I'm not talking about full-tilt mayhem here, just some Marquis of Queensberry action that would require someone to back up rude things they say.
Surely, the offender would always be allowed to avoid the ring and say, "I'm sorry, I was being an ass."
And guess what? I just may have some support from a famous, card-carrying liberal.
In a recent interview with GQ, Martin Sheen said that when he was filming "Badlands" early in his career, director Terrence Malick was insulted by a producer and proceeded to "beat the hell out of him."
"Can you imagine?" Sheen said. "If more directors would beat up their producers, we'd have a lot more artistic freedom."
Artistic freedom. Nicer people.
Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/lifestyles/columns/joe-holleman/article_1909ebe0-4807-5591-989e-aa57bedcd6c0.html#ixzz1QXKRAOek