OFF THE WIRE
In this list we examine songs with some of the manliest lyrics ever written. Because no man’s music is complete without a message he can relate to whether it has to do with fuel-spewing fast cars, stress-relieving violence, submissive women, nonchalant firearm ownership or just being a rampant sexual conquistador.
7 Metallica – “Fuel”
Quintessential line: “Gimme fuel gimme fire gimme that which I desire!”Sounds Like: Fast, rocking riffage with James Hetfield’s famous howl.
Man-factor: If you like fast cars and a side of danger, you’ll love cranking this song up to be your very own escaping-out-your-ex-girlfriend’s-window-because-her-dad-is-after-you-with-a-sawed-off-shotgun soundtrack.
6 The Rolling Stones – “Under My Thumb”
Quintessential line: “Under my thumb/Her eyes are just kept to herself/Under my thumb/Well I can still look at someone else”Sounds Like: Mick Jagger brings this easy, laid back classic rock ditty home with his distinctive croon.
Man-factor: A jaded, misogynistic jab at women. While the message might not go over so well in this day and age, the Stones are such important rock icons that I’m sure they won’t be getting hate mail anytime soon either. Plus, have you ever seen Keith Richards pout? It’s adorable, you just can’t stay mad at him.
5 Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards – “Fight”
Quintessential line: “Death and violence I like/All I wanna do is fight!”Sounds Like: Biker rock, purposefully devoid of glamour and polish. Both catchy and mosh-pit inducing.
The man factor: These boy are all about knives, motorcycles and actin’ “tuff.” This anthem is a declaration of manliness and territoriality, so grab a Molotov cocktail and strap in for the ride.
4 Alabama 3 – “Woke Up This Morning” (The Sopranos’ Theme)
Quintessential line: “You woke up this morning/Got yourself a gun/Mama always said you’d be/The Chosen One.”Sounds like: You are being threatened. (But also) a funky, jungle-soaked jam with laid back gang vocals and a penchant for cigar smokin’, gin drinkin’ acts of violence.
Man-factor: Ahhh, a man and his second amendment right to wake up with a gun in his hand and a twinkle in his eye. Men like power and holding a gun is akin to a feeling of supreme authority.
3 Lil’ Kim – “How Many Licks”
Quintessential line: “How many licks does it take till you get to the center of the (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)”Sounds like: A good beat, synthesized grooves and loads of backup singers provide a great canvas to paint a picture of all the awesome filth that comes spewing out of Lil’ Kim’s mouth.
Man-factor: This crazy-ass chick goes right for the sweet, supple throat of monogamy and spills its lifeblood all over her sex-starved lyrics. I don’t care that this wasn’t written by a man, Lil’ Kim knows all about a man’s wants and needs… and future court dates.
2 The Dwarves – “FEFU”
Quintessential line: “I wanna f*ck, eat and f*ck you up, yeah”Sounds Like: Cold industrial verses meets hot punk rock chorus’ head-on, making it rain sex, gluttony and violence.
Man-factor: We suit up and go to our jobs. We go to the gym. We go to the bar. We all play the game. But don’t lie to yourself, ‘cuz deep down, we all just want to violate, fornicate and masticate. Not necessarily in that order. And in this age, songs with lyrics that seem to come straight from the subconscious of a deranged caveman sit right at home with the goals and aspirations of the modern man.
1 Social Distortion – “She’s a Knockout”
Quintessential line: “Everywhere she goes people turn their heads/She’s a knockout/Everyone wishes she was sleeping in their beds/She’s a knockout”Sounds Like: Bluesy, aggressive rock. Simple like the sentiment within.
Man-factor: Every guy knows what it’s like to be walking down the street, minding his own business when out of nowhere his spidey-senses tingle and his head instinctively turns to catch an eyeful of the hard-bodied seductress in his peripheral vision. Let’s be clear ladies; we have no control over this. So, if you’re walking alongside us as it happens, please refrain from making any future plans for castration.
